I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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