You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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