My nipple is on Facebook.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
