she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
