he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
