so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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