NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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