The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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