speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
