I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
