You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
