Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
