found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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