Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
