So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
