We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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