Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
