Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
