tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
