If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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