DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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