omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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