Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think a kid would responsible me up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
