Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
