birth control should be required to get into college
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
