Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
ok first of all what the fuck
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
