I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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