So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
