so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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