The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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