So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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