so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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