I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize