Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize