I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
