She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
