every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
