Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
