Jerry, you need to find god
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
