The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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