There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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