someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
