I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
