I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
