you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
