How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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