Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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