i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
