did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
