I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
