i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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