who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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