Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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