Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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