you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
