People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
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I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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