i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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