He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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