I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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