you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
