it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
