So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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