So drunk its hurt
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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